So Linh tells me to update this blog often so she could keep up with my life.
Well, here are some good news and bad news.
Good news is I'm blogging
And bad news is it will not be very entertaining to known. But in case you care, here's the details of my life in the last few days
Something just goes wrong in my life recently and I cannot explain where it comes from.
I neglect nearly everything, from personal hygiene (mind you, I still take bath, just that my room is a mess now) to school work (I only do subjects that I like particularly which is totally not ME in TOA now). I also hang out less with friends and most of the time lock myself up in my room and do not talk to anyone in my house absolutely (cos I hate them for sure. The girls are pig for leaving their rubbish behind after cooking) .
The worst thing is I always yearn for something that I am not very sure of. Probably it's Nick due to post-concert syndrome (I have this once per year, or more depending on how many concerts I went to and how many hotties were there). Probably, it's a no-baby-yet Bee (he's a father now so out of the list, very out of the list). Probably it's family cos me and my mom can go for days without any messages (talking about deprived childhood....no, adults' kinship). Probably it's someone special cos I have gone for uhm 3 years without special treats from that special someone (yeah, I'm a materialistic girl)....keyword is I want to be pampered.
But it's not exactly what I could ask for here cos I'm a biggest kid among all my classmate (although outside, I always look like a very very little kid to them. They do not even take me seriously sometimes). So I'm on my own. Luckily, I have the bestest friends here in Malaysia (to tell the truth, I have never had such CLOSE CLASSMATES ever ....... no comparison to other besties in Vietnam or Singapore...I just stress CLOSE CLASSMATES cos we are in the same class and we live really close and we ARE really close!). Otherwise, I'd just kill myself one day due to the overbearing workload.
But some friends are really "cruel" in a sense that they think I'm uptight and overly weird. Ok, I think i have always been a weirdo to some extents (not very very extreme though)...but never to that level that some one should step up and treat me like a weirdo. I just have different taste, different sense of arts (I don't like Manga, I don't like Anime, I don't like Miley or hip hop...SO WHAT?)...really pain in the ass...
But I'm so glad and there are still very very cool people, people of great personalities around here to look up to. So everyday, going to school is such an exciting thing to look forward to (although having undone homework is another considerable burden)
Yet I miss my friends back in Singapore. I remember the time that we danced like crazy in B4L, acted like ANTM.....there seems to be no room for such nonsense in my life nowadays.
Reach 22 and I still feel like a kid.
I wish I could stay a kid forever
I need a same-age parent though.
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NICK ZINNER REPLIED MY EMAIL.
AFTER ONE WEEK OF WAITING, I FINALLY HAD A LINE FROM HIM.
HE SAID MY SKETCH OF HIM LOOKS SWEET. I THINK HE'S JUST BEING EXTRA NICE COS I THINK IT"S REALLY SHITTY.
SO I THINK I"M GONNA PAINT HIM SOMETHING PROPER NOW.
I"M SO PSYCHED.
THAT"S WHY THIS POST IS LIKE ME SHOUTING TO THE WORLD!!!!!!
BUT WTV
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WHO WHO WHO?
Is it you whom I adore?
of just a random reader
or an old friend?...
whatever, you made my day with a little mystery
But i like it no more so answer me!
Doubt that you will ever come here ever again.
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The few last days of school turned out to be less depressing than 1 or 2 weeks ago. And yesterday marked the most exciting project I've done in my life. The notebook. Well, many people might dread this last assignment but to tell the truth, I enjoy every moment spent with it, from the mind-storming, the process and the outcome. I have never engaged and dedicated myself to something as much as I did this time. Not to mention, it's totally last minute work, some ideas have to be forgone in order to meet the deadline, but still, the result, to me, was very very satisfactory.
Some people (I hope) might be wowed by my notebook, but well, if you know I've been thinking about it since a few months ago, you won't be very impressed any more. I know, the theme is corny, but please keep in mind that it's not actually what is happening within me mentally. It's just the my invention in the name of some novelty romance shit. And I was so caught up in that thought that I did the most insane thing ever: putting the portrait of my subject of imaginary affection in the notebook! And worse come to worst (although it's a very encouraging improvement), the portrait is about 80% accurate. >.<.
Now that I regret doing so. I hope that crazy action will go unnoticed or at least won't land me into any kinda of trouble. It's such a relief that V I V I A N did not recognize "it" at all. And hopefully no one who ever got to see my notebook will recognize it.
Anyway, went clubbing with Halie. Fun. Need better shoes next time
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Finally got a bit of self esteem back after one week of, oh well, generally "deprovement". Very appreciative of the guidance from TOA lecturers. They are like the most inspiring people I've ever met in my life. Not to mention, CK is like the funniest lecturer I've ever had. Will miss him a lot next term T_T...Hopefully, I'll get to see him in my Major Year.
Well, it's like every words coming from CK speak my sentiment. About the stagnant stage of learning process, about how to get over it to improve. At least, i know someone is there to believe that I can do it all the time. Haiz. I love my teachers!
The last 4 months have really been an eye-opener for me. I learn a lot. I learn how not to compare myself to others but more importantly to myself alone. I learn how to bow down to others' although I might "look down on" them in the first place (not that superior attitude, but I am not impressed easily, that's it). I learn how to learn from friends. I learn how to look back and reflect on myself.
Of course, there are still many things to learn. But before that, I need to taste the feel of freedom for a few days!
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2 Final projects were handed in and one already had the result out.
Finished art was ok. At least the presentation was much smoother than I had expected. Lucky for me that W I L L I A M did not give me the stern face that he did mostly to everyone. Wow, for the first time, I was favored by teacher of subject I don't like at all ( JK, although I really enjoyed doing POP UP cards...already have 2 "free" commissions in hand!)
CGD on the other hand was nuisance. Did not really like the subject and the tutor in the first place so don't expect me to cry and bleed over the project. Everything is last minute and I really ran out of idea, or rather, was not bothered to make my poster even the least presentable. I deserved B- grade. Felt a little urgh inside when most of my friends got better grad but whatever, I hate CGD. Can't make myself love it. Can't get myself to take it seriously. I don't know if this will affect my whole MM application next next term. But I'm glad it's over. Hours sitting in the graphic lab was utterly useless and sleepy. I learned more surfing online for tutorial. SOrry to say that H E L E N A
Off to real world, no more computer in the next one week until I"m going home. Meanwhile, intensive drawing and designing!!!
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I woke up in horror thinking that I would be doomed today by the History presentation that I did not prepare for. Surprisingly, that went quite well and smooth except for the fact that I did not really feel very proud of myself because to be honest, my group leader sort of handled everything herself and only left very few works for me to do. I don't know if it was an improper thing to do or not but I feel both thankful and unease to her. Some more, the downside of the project was titled to be my responsibility when in fact it was not. I felt like I did not really contribute anything to the project, even when it was a mistake. That would probably be the reason why I did not think I deserved either compliment or criticism from my teacher. But still, I am VERY VERY grateful to the group leader and other group mates for giving me a break from frantic group work and still managing to pull it off in the end. That was saving me lots of time and troubles!
My teacher also told me briefly that I should not get married. Quite true to think about that. I don't want to be stuck with one person in my entire life. Life is a big pond with many fish. And I want to enjoy them all. Well, I might think like that now but I might change it later. Who knows? From my experience, marriage is not the best thing on earth, either. Love is.
Yes, love is the best thing on earth. And that made today the best day of the semester. I felt love in the air the most clearly today.
Saw the Big Beagle in library today, lecturing other junior tutors on finding reference, I guess. That was the first time I heard him speak. Very faintly but his voice was so...Nice. I think I am delusional and everything about him is nice to me. His front, his back, his profile..everything seems so perfect. His wife must be the luckiest one ever.
Halie and Fred showered me with love today, probably out of guilt that they indulged in a gourmet treat 2 days ago without me! Awwww...they do not need to feel so although they would be more than welcome to act on that guilt like they did today! The Girls treated me to expensive ice-cream! Loved it! Now it is my turn to feel in debt. Definitely will buy them lots of gifts after coming back from semester break
And the asshole gave me one nugget. Probably, again, he felt bad not lending me any money when I asked him in class today. Or probably just to make sure that I will wake him up 4 hours later....Infantile
I'm off for a short nap
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Yesterday was a draw. Stayed up the whole night to finish two portraits of hot sexy men. Really put my heart and soul into every single strokes. Yet, I got C+ to B-, lowest ever in the history of home assignment.
I did not know what was the reason behind such horrible result but judging from comparison between my works and those with B (Halie and Fred, they have been doing well lately, I feel very left out pls), I think the teacher demand neatness in the finishing which I dread very very much. It's partly that I am lazy but mostly because I have never ever liked neatness even in its truest sense.
A neat room is boring
A neat hand writing is admirable but uninteresting.
A neat drawing is ...it is really hard to say.
I think it depends very much on personal preference. And unluckily, the school demand seems to agree more with those who like neatness. True! Once again, I have to remind myself that this is a Design School. It's not an Art school with Fine art department to let students go wild with brushes and paint. Everything needs to be proper and I respect it because it's challenging, it requires patience and it trains students to strive for perfection, machine-perfection literally. I just do not want to subdue to that.
I want to mess things up!
I want to add crazy lines to my drawing, making people years older, ways sadder
I want to vomit and spit on my Design assignment
Well, I guess I can do that stuff later, after everything is handed in and I'm back home for vacation.
Life is harsh.
Ken Hirai is love
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